I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
