dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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