Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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