First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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