i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
