Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
