So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
