I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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