he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize