drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
