In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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