i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
