Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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