watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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