Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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