I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
