I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
