I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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