Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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