Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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