Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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