So drunk its hurt
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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