dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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