i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
