Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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