her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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