you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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