Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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