Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think your dad took our porno
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
