I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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