We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
