nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
