Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
