He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
