Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
