She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
