I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dick very happy bro
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
