Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
