So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
