The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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