Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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