My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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