i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
