I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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