i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
