Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
