i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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