I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
