I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
