I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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