Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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