Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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