I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
