My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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