I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
