you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
