I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
