i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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