3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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