im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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