We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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