which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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