Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
