my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
no you cant smoke seaweed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
