Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
