how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
