Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
