just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
