I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
