yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
